Turns out that's not exactly what God calls me to be. He calls me to be me. Imperfection and all. And he is really trying to show me this with the arrival of our sweet Kinsley.
We've pretty much been in survival mode for not only the past six weeks but well before that with being pregnant and moving just 2 short months before the arrival of Kins. I hate survival mode. Survival Mode=A lot of Imperfection which in turn makes me reevaluate who I am and who I'm called to be. This of course is really a good thing but it's always uncomfortable to reevaluate who you are and what you need to improve or change.
If you read my blog you might think that I'm really that image of perfection at home because that's of course what I would want others to perceive me to be and usually what I blog about. But the real honest truth is- we are a MESS! There are piles of cloth diapers waiting to be washed (I know really stinky), a bunch of sick Congers, a dwindling supply of homemade baby food, and a still unpacked garage awaiting Chris' car. Life has been crazy lately. I'm imperfect and that's okay and I realize that. But in all honesty, I hate this survival mode time. I know that it's teaching me to ask for help and be humble and that is good and all...but I'm ready for all us to be healthy, for me to get our menus for the week back on track, to save money coupon, to make healthy meals for Abby, to not have smelly cloth diapers around, to take Abby to baby bounce time at the library, to sleep an entire 8 hours again at night, to schedule regular dates with my hubby, to help others outside of our family, to keep in touch with my friends. I'm realizing now that I don't have to perfect at all of those things but I would like to be able to do them and have a little more time in my day to not just survive.
My big prayer is that I will learn from this time and find myself more completely during this time loving it for what it is...a season in our life that will soon pass. I know that I'm so blessed to have our two wonderful children and when I pass older women in the store or at church they always tell me how much they miss this time. I know I really have nothing to complain about but I want to grow and learn from each wonderful blessing God has given us. My two blessings, Abby and Kinsley, have taught me that I'm not the perfect mom, but the perfect mom for them.
I'm rambling a lot through this post. But tonight I just felt a push to write about how we are feeling and doing over here at the Conger household. I'm know I'm not the only one out there that struggles with this view of being the perfect mother being stuck in survival mode after the birth of a child or maybe during another life changing event. I hope we can all pray for each other that we may find our true selves and not be tied down to an image of perfection that is really unattainable. Also let's pray for those in survival mode...that they may live through the season with grace and love.
I'll end with the lyrics to this song that somehow is played every time I'm starting to feel stressed. I know that with the end of the survival mode also means my little Kinsley growing up. I mean Abby just turned one! Before I know it sweet Kinsley will be celebrating her first birthday! So with surviving I pray that I may live each day and find the joy of my sweet babies and husband.
He didn't have to wake up
He'd been up all night
Layin’ there in bed listenin’
To his new born baby cry
He makes a pot of coffee
He splashes water on his face
His wife gives him a kiss and says
It gonna be OK
It won’t be like this for long
One day we'll look back laughin’
At the week we brought her home
This phase is gonna fly by
So baby just hold on
‘Cause it won't be like this for long
Four years later ‘bout 4:30
She's crawling in their bed
And when he drops her off at preschool
She's clinging to his leg
The teacher peels her off of him
He says what can I do
She says now don't you worry
This’ll only last a week or two
It won’t be like this for long
One day soon you'll drop her off
And she won’t even know you're gone
This phase is gonna fly by
If you can just hold on
It won’t be like this for long
Some day soon she'll be a teenager
And at times he'll think she hates him
Then he'll walk her down the aisle
And he'll raise her veil
But right now she's up and cryin’
And the truth is that he don't mind
As he kisses her good night
And she says her prayers
He lays down there beside her
‘Til her eyes are finally closed
And just watchin’ her it breaks his heart
Cause he already knows
It won’t be like this for long
One day soon that little girl is gonna be
All grown up and gone
Yeah, this phase is gonna fly by
So, he's tryin’ to hold on
‘Cause it won’t be like this for long
He'd been up all night
Layin’ there in bed listenin’
To his new born baby cry
He makes a pot of coffee
He splashes water on his face
His wife gives him a kiss and says
It gonna be OK
It won’t be like this for long
One day we'll look back laughin’
At the week we brought her home
This phase is gonna fly by
So baby just hold on
‘Cause it won't be like this for long
Four years later ‘bout 4:30
She's crawling in their bed
And when he drops her off at preschool
She's clinging to his leg
The teacher peels her off of him
He says what can I do
She says now don't you worry
This’ll only last a week or two
It won’t be like this for long
One day soon you'll drop her off
And she won’t even know you're gone
This phase is gonna fly by
If you can just hold on
It won’t be like this for long
Some day soon she'll be a teenager
And at times he'll think she hates him
Then he'll walk her down the aisle
And he'll raise her veil
But right now she's up and cryin’
And the truth is that he don't mind
As he kisses her good night
And she says her prayers
He lays down there beside her
‘Til her eyes are finally closed
And just watchin’ her it breaks his heart
Cause he already knows
It won’t be like this for long
One day soon that little girl is gonna be
All grown up and gone
Yeah, this phase is gonna fly by
So, he's tryin’ to hold on
‘Cause it won’t be like this for long
It Won't Be Like This for Long
Darius Rucker
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